you'll be my place for stability
by sakiyamas
Summary: The movement from adolescence to adulthood brings new challenges that test Makoto's will to get through the mental and emotional pain that come with growing up. This is the story of Makoto's struggle to find stability in the crumbling ground beneath him, and the changes he is willing to undergo as the world changes before him.
1. moving on from the summers of innocence

"I'm sorry."

It's nighttime at Haruka's house. As usual there is a light breeze that enters through the front door, any crevices in the house, and through the windows. Although Haruka's house is typically empty because he is the only one who really resides there, there is a sense of comfort in it for some odd reason. At least there is most of the time. This day, Makoto feels an agonizing chill in that breeze. It feels like it's reaching his bones and that it will freeze his soul. Makoto feels cold. He feels that all the warmth in this house, the house that he's had so many fond memories of, is suddenly gone.

"I should have told you earlier, shouldn't I?" Haruka says simply. It's a question, but because Haruka's tone is so flat it sounds like a statement more than anything. "Especially you. People keep telling us that we act like a couple and some even question if we're dating." Then he sighs, noticing that the color is gone from Makoto's face. The brightness in Makoto's eyes is gone too. It's like the younger of the two just had everything drained out of him. "Makoto."

Then Makoto snaps out of his state of shock. He feels shameful that he was even in one to begin with.

"Makoto, listen to me," Haruka says, determination in his deep blue eyes. He grabs Makoto's clammy and shaking hands from the table and holds them tight. His eyes meet Makoto's droopy ones, which were starting to show hints of sadness. "It's not that I don't feel anything for you. It's not that all the concern you have for me is one sided or something. I really do care about you.." Then Haruka's eyes averted from Makoto's, as if he was beginning to give up himself too. He didn't want to hurt Makoto, but he needed to tell Makoto the truth.

Before Haruka was able to continue, Makoto spoke up. "Is it Rin, Haruka? Is that why-"

Then there's a tough squeeze on Makoto's hands and Haruka's eyes are back on Makoto's. There's a look of fierceness in them, but Haruka really does not mean any malice. It was only his way of getting Makoto to listen close, or getting anyone to do that for that matter. "No, this has nothing to do with Rin. Now listen." The older boy takes a deep breath, trying to ease his nerves, and then he continues. "I don't feel romantic attraction towards anyone, Makoto. None at all. Not even you, and if I can't feel it for you, then.." Haruka sighs and shakes his head. He wasn't too sure of how to word this in a way that would make sense. "You probably don't know it yet, Makoto, but I can tell you'd like a lot of affection in a relationship.. I can't do that for you. If I can't feel romantic attraction to you, then.. I don't think I can be sincerely affectionate." Haruka's voice is stable, which was surprising because he was speaking a lot more than he usually did in a day, and because this was certainly not something easy to talk about. "Makoto, honestly. It's not because I don't feel anything towards you. You know how much you mean to me, and.." His hold on Makoto's hand is lessening. "I want you to be with someone who will be able to give you what I just can't. I don't want you to be with me because you will think I'm distant, and-"

"But I love you for who you are, Haru! I don't care if you can't be sincerely affectionate, if I can't make love to you, or any of that stuff!" Makoto is close to crying. He didn't like raising his voice at all. He didn't like this conversation. He didn't like any of this. "I know you already, you're distant.. I fell in love with that Haru. I didn't fall in love with the idea of you wanting to cuddle with me, to kiss me, to be reminded of me all the time, to feel desire for me.." The more Makoto speaks, the more he realizes.. He is being greedy. He didn't want to take Haru's voice into consideration.. He is being a bad, inconsiderate, and greedy friend.

Haruka did not want a relationship. Makoto knew that if they went for a relationship, Haruka would probably feel pressured to be romantic so he could make Makoto happy, and that more likely than not their friends would butt into their relationship and pressure Haruka even more because Haruka being that way in a relationship would be 'unjust'. Haruka did not want that pressure, and he also didn't want Makoto to lack in that form of loving... Yet Makoto is being insistent.

"I know you, do Makoto.. Otherwise you wouldn't have fallen in love with me." Haruka's voice was weakening. It hurt to be arguing with Makoto like this and he just wanted it to be over. He wants to go back to when they didn't have these kinds of conversations and when it was just them being friends and not caring about those more intimate feelings. "I just.. I don't want a relationship. At all. With anyone. Even if you say it's okay that we just stay the same and act how we already act with each other.. our friends, they'll say something about it. They'll pressure me, and they'll pressure you, and I don't want either of us to be going through that.." He was shocked that Makoto hasn't cried up to this point, to be honest. He'd known Makoto long enough to know that he was not strong emotionally nor mentally. Makoto was not persistent, and if he was it was only for a short time. "Can you please understand that?"

There is silence. Haruka's reasoning, everything he had said up to this point.. is just oddly blurry for Makoto. Nothing seemed clear anymore. Then again, it could be because Makoto was feeling oddly drained. Not like before when it was just the effects of shock, but really drained. So he nodded blindly, unsure of what to say anymore. There was tightening at his throat, yet he manages to speak. "I understand, Haru.. In the end, I just want you to be happy. If you're happy, I'll be happy too." He may have lied just a little at that last bit. He wanted Haru to be his, really he did.. This hurt every ounce of his heart and he was feeling immense greed. He wanted Haru to be his.. Then again, he was okay if Haru was happy. So he lied about being happy if Haru was, but Makoto knew that somehow he'd manage.

Haruka smiles softly in response; that rare smile that typically only Makoto saw. Usually it'd lift Makoto's spirits, but not this time. He remained feeling cold and oddly distant. He got up from the floor, easing Haruka's hands from his. "I need to go home now. I only wanted to tell you that." Then he faked a gentle smile. For the first time in his life, Makoto felt the need to fake a smile; that small realization alone was breaking Makoto and it felt like he was being eaten from the inside. "I'll see you tomorrow, though. I promise!"

Haruka appears as though he was going to protest, but Makoto steps out of the room before he could say anything. Calmly, Makoto leaves Haruka's house and Haruka does not follow because he doesn't want to complicate the situation further.

When Makoto is outside, the cool breeze is pricking at his skin like needles and it really does hurt. The cold brings him into another shock, but it cannot stop his legs from moving the way they are. First he jogs, but it doesn't last. His legs are now moving fast. He's running, running far away from Haruka's house. His trail isn't going towards his own house, and his eyesight is blurred with water so he isn't too sure of where he's heading. The smile has disappeared and in its place is gritted teeth set in what could be described as a frown. He's sprinting now, and obviously gasping. It's not because he's tired, it's most likely because he is trying to do something else that will keep him from crying.

His heart is beating like crazy and Makoto feels like he's going to throw up. Although it could partially be because he's already getting tired of sprinting so much, he assumed that it was because he was just feeling so terrible now. He wanted to run away, he never wanted to see Haruka again. He didn't want Haruka to look at him just to think of him as pathetic. He didn't want the news of Haruka rejecting him to spread, because he will be thought of as pathetic by everyone. A boy falling in love with his childhood friend was stupid, falling in love with someone as distant as Haru was stupid.. Makoto was stupid.

He didn't stop until something seemed to pierce at his heart and mind. He wasn't sure what it was at first, but with more times that it occurred, he was able to piece it together. It was his name being called out. It was Rin calling out his name.

"Oi, Makoto!"

Makoto's legs froze, and he felt as though he'd been reduced to a statue. He couldn't move. He didn't think he could feel himself breathing, although obviously he was. He turned his head to see the shorter male rushing towards him. Makoto wanted to run away; certainly Rin would ask what was up and Makoto was a bad liar sometimes. It would all spill out and he couldn't imagine Rin doing anything other than laugh at him. Yet Makoto couldn't run away. A piece of his heart so desperately yearned for comfort and guidance from someone, and maybe.. His childhood friend Rin could be that person to help him.. After all, Rin was honest and hardly sugar coated anything. He could help Makoto out and give him unbiased support and advice.

So Makoto lets Rin catch up to him. He is shocked that Rin has a smile on his face instead of a look of concern. It seems like Rin hadn't really noticed Makoto's agony, and the older of the two was glad that he hadn't.

"Hey, Makoto!" Rin laughs as soon as he is standing in front of the older boy. "You were running for Samezuka, you traitor!" Rin smirks, and Makoto gives him a soft smile. It is the best that he can do without messing up and letting the smile falter. A small smile was not difficult now, because suddenly he felt silly. He hadn't noticed that he was running for Samezuka. He was just letting his legs do his maneuvering, not his mind. "I was just heading back from the store. Sousuke wanted some over the counter stuff but obviously he's sick and going outside in this weather could make him sicker, so I did the deed for him." There was a gentle sparkle in Rin's eyes as he spoke of Sousuke. "Were you planning on going there to practice some?"

Of course, Makoto hadn't been planning that. He was just running without any reason and he hadn't meant to go to Samezuka at all. Nonetheless.. If he said he was just jogging, Rin would probably question him. So.. He nodded. Makoto didn't know if it'd be believable, because he wasn't one to take his swim practice that seriously, especially not during these times. Indoor pool or not, cold weather didn't ever give Makoto the right vibe to go and swim and he was sure Rin knew that.

Rin just bobs his head right back in response. "Cool. Well, you were running so let's jog there, huh?" Makoto was about to say he wasn't in the mood to jog, but before he can even say anything Rin takes off laughing. It was Rin's natural instinct to be so competitive. He must have been expecting for Makoto to run after him at full force, but Makoto does not. He jogs, but does not go into a quick sprint like he usually would. He only jogs. The air feels cold still and Makoto thinks that it felt worse now.

It is a while before they reach Samezuka, and still Rin hasn't questioned anything Makoto has done. Makoto hasn't done them to purposely get Rin's attention, but they've happened and they're things that are actually quite obvious. "Here we are!" Rin exclaims with that bright smirk of his. Quickly, he ushers Makoto onto campus and down the right steps to Samezuka Academy's indoor pool. It is nighttime so obviously no one is around. They're all most likely relaxing or even sleeping in their dorms. The place where the pool is also is quiet and it is only Rin and Makoto there. The lights are dimmed so instead of seeing the bottom of the pool, there only appears to be more endless darkness.. Or perhaps it only seemed that way to Makoto.

Then the sudden realization dawns on Makoto; he doesn't even have his swimsuit on him. He hadn't been expecting this to even happen so it's not like he would have it with him. He looks over to Rin and is about to ask him if he could possibly borrow a spare, but when he looks over.. Rin's stance and the look on his face told Makoto that he had different plans for tonight.

A hand is set on Rin's hip and his expression is different than the playful expression he had while they were running over to Samezuka. One might say Rin's expression seemed particularly stern.

"What's up, Makoto?"

Makoto feels like he has frozen again. Rin's tone was not friendly; the question did not belong to the category of things you'd ask your friend casually. No, it was a serious question. Rin knew something was up. His tone was strict.

Despite that, Makoto tries to play it off. He didn't want to talk about this right now, he realized. Although his heart was screaming for him to reach out to Rin, to open up to him about what had just happened, his mind said it was not right. He didn't want to open up to Rin. "Nothing much! It's just really chilly out, is all."

Rin frowns, and Makoto knows that he's messed up. There was no way he'd get out of this, unless.. "Seriously, Makoto? You're out there running like crazy, and when I catch up to you it's like you've lost all the color on your face. Then when we start running again, you fall behind. Not only that, but who are you to even be running around this area? Who are you to want to practice your swimming when you typically aren't too serious of it during colder days? Weren't you with Haru earlier?"

.. Makoto has to keep lying. If he does it enough, Rin might get annoyed enough to just let him go.

"I'm fine, Rin," he insists with a forced laugh. He will continue to laugh and smile it off even if it kills him. Makoto sincerely did not mind it.

What he didn't expect was Rin's aggression to take over. Rin grabs Makoto by the circular opening of his shirt; the orange and yellow shirt he'd wear all the time when he was going to bed. "Listen to me!" Rin screams, pulling Makoto down so they were both face to face. Rin's expression is fierce and Makoto is very scared. "You listen! Something is obviously wrong with you, so stop lying! What the hell is wrong with you, Makoto?! I've known you for a ton of years so I know when something is bothering you!" Makoto is still refusing to answer and it only enraged Rin further. Rin was not one to be this mean to someone like Makoto. No one was, but Rin knew this would be the only way to get Makoto to talk. Admittedly, he was concerned about his friend Makoto and he was desperate to know what was wrong. He yanks Makoto closer. "What did Haruka do to you?! That bastard did something, didn't he? You were at his place earlier, I know this!"

Makoto shook his head desperately and tried to get away, but Rin's grip was extremely tight on his shirt and he just couldn't get away. "He didn't do anything to me..!" Makoto said. He bit down on his lip, trying to keep himself focused on the slight pain and not the throbbing of his throat. "It was me..! I fucked up, Rin!"

Rin was taken aback by Makoto swearing. He stares in shock for a few moments and lets it register in his mind; no only did Makoto raise his voice, but he swore too. It was baffling because to Rin, Makoto was almost nothing short of an angel. Makoto honestly had to be the nicest guy Rin knew. Someone like Makoto never swore. They just never had a reason to do so, nor did they have the courage. ".. What happened? What did you do?"

There was no other way around this. Makoto had lost all his determination and he knew that there was no longer a way out, especially not with Rin. Rin was stubborn and would not budge until he got his way. He had to tell Rin everything that happened.

So he did. They sat down on the benches that were to the side of the pool and spoke. It took a while, but he managed to get it down. By the end of the talk, Rin was left dumbfounded. "No way! I don't believe that.. Damn. You two are so close.. I always thought 'Haru's gonna be the lucky bastard to get Makoto. They've been so close for so long. It's gotta happen.'. And yet... It didn't."

Makoto nodded and held off from telling Rin that what he was saying honestly hurt him more. Then he lapsed into silence.

The younger of the two didn't know what to say. He'd never been heartbroken simply because he'd never been in a relationship before, so he didn't know how Makoto felt. He'd imagine it was a horrible feeling, even for someone as selfless as Makoto. Plus he'd heard of stories of people who were heartbroken and left depressed. So, easily, he was able to understand Makoto's feelings.

He tried his best to understand Haru's side, too. Makoto insisted that Rin see Haruka's side to it too, so Rin was trying his very best.. and he couldn't say he expected any less. He knew Haruka was one who never wanted to succumb to pressure, but he didn't know what was the extent of pressure he could go through before he decided enough was enough. Anyways.. If Haruka felt that a relationship would make him feel that way, and possibly make Makoto feel that way, too, then Rin could understand why Haruka didn't want any sort of relationship with anyone. Especially not Makoto, because romantically or not, he knew that Makoto meant a lot to Haruka and Haruka never wanted to hurt him.

Somehow Rin couldn't wrap his mind over Haruka not being able to feel any sort of romantic attraction to anyone. He could understand not feeling sexual attraction, but not romantic attraction.. He wasn't going to shoot it down though. He couldn't imagine it, but he knew such a thing could exist.

"Rin."

His attention went from his thoughts and to Makoto. He gave Makoto a gentle curious look. "What is it?"

Makoto seemed to struggle, but he finally managed to speak again. ".. Was that acquisitive of me?" He seemed concerned over a possible greed he may have shown and, somehow, it made Rin's heart drop. He couldn't believe that someone like Makoto would come to that sort of conclusion about themself and actually feel that way.

"No.. Makoto, no. You're not greedy for what you did. It's natural for you to have reacted that way, you know?" Rin had no idea if what he was saying was true or not, but Makoto was listening and not showing any signs of disbelief so he might as well continue. "When someone gets rejected, I bet it feels like absolute shit. It's normal for you to feel that way. You're not being greedy.. It's just.." Rin was watching his words now. He knew Makoto would grow upset if Rin said anything that sounded like he was blaming Haru. "None of you are at fault for anything that happened today, okay? I bet Haru feels bad about what happened too and that he didn't mean to hurt your feelings like this.. Uhm.. It's just a part of life, I guess. This obviously hasn't been the first time you've been rejected, and even if it's on a worse scale I bet you can do it." Man, Rin didn't think he was at all good at giving advice or support but Makoto seemed to be taking it. "I believe you can do it, Makoto."

Makoto nodded understandingly, and Rin almost sighed in relief. The brunet wasn't done yet with the questions, though. "Rin.. Can Haru and I go back to being friends after this? Look.. I think I can get over this, but I'm not sure if this will change things between us now if he knows I've had feelings for him.. But I know that I... I just want things to go back to normal for the both of us. I want us to keep being friends, Rin, I don't want to lose Haru. Not like this. I've been friends with him for so long and I just can't lose him.." Makoto's voice was cracking and Rin was completely alert. He needed to stop Makoto from crying. He needed to reassure the older boy that everything would be okay, because if Makoto cried it would honestly break Rin's heart. He's only ever witnessed Makoto cry once; and it was when they were younger and..

.. It was for the same reason.

It was on the day that Makoto almost lost Haruka because Haruka almost drowned in the river. Makoto feared that he would lose Haruka so he cried, and Rin witnessed it. Although it was not in the same context this time as it was the last, Rin could only imagine that Makoto was reliving that fear of losing him. Considering how long they've been friends and that Haruka quite honestly meant just about everything to Makoto, Rin couldn't have a single doubt that this must have been one of the most terrifying feelings Makoto could get.

"You're not going to lose him," Rin says with a strong tone of voice. He was resolute on reassuring Makoto. "You two have been through thick and thin. I know Haruka wouldn't give up on you just because you confessed to having feelings for him. It might be awkward for you two at first, so you might have to give it a day or two. Although trust me, it'll be back to normal. Okay, Makoto?"

He nods, and Rin is again relieved. "Thank you so much for listening to me, Rin." Then, again, he is silent. His fists grab at the cloth of his sweatpants and their grip turn tight. Rin notices this, and just as he is going to speak up Makoto does for him. "Rin.. Is it okay if I don't hold it in anymore?"

At first, Rin is confused to what Makoto might be talking about. Then it hits him, and without even thinking twice he bobs his head. "It's completely okay. Just.. Do it, Makoto." He sincerely doesn't want Makoto to do it, but he knows there was no other way. Makoto needed release, because Rin can't imagine what exactly he was feeling and if he had anything pent up from all these years.

It is slow at first. It begins with a few hiccups. Then Makoto's cries begin, and although they are soft at first they change into sobs. Makoto is sobbing now, shaking his head and his fists are wiping at the tears leaking out of his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whimpers as he cries. "It must be selfish of me to be crying..!"

The fact that Makoto feels bad over crying makes Rin feel so very sorry for him. Rin feels sorrow coming to him. "Jeez, Makoto!" he exclaims, throwing his arms around the larger boy's shoulders. Rin hugs him tight and close. "It's going to be okay, really I promise! Just don't feel about over that, alright? You're wrecking me with that thought of yours! You're not selfish. You've been so selfless to everyone that I really think that it's time you start thinking about yourself for once! Seriously.." Rin's sniffling. He thought to himself that Makoto didn't deserve to feel the sadness or remorse he might be feeling. It was actually upsetting Rin. He'd never seen such a side of Makoto before. He'd seen him cry before, but it wasn't like this.

"Makoto.. All your life, it's mainly been about making others happy, hasn't it? Haruka clung to you when we were kids and always searched for your advice and word on anything he needed. As you two grew older it hasn't really changed. He's become more.. independent, I think..? And yet.. you're still there. Partially because you want to, partially because you've thought that your presence makes him happy.." Rin continues hesitantly. "Rei's told me that you ran after him that one time.. You've been deathly afraid of the ocean for as long as I've known you. Yet you risked your life regardless of your fears, just to save some guy you didn't even know that much yet." Rin's tone becomes soft and his sniffling is put aside. Makoto's crying has calmed because he is trying to listen to Rin speak. ".. You're the most selfless guy I know."

Rin cannot see Makoto's expression because he is still hugging the older boy, but Makoto's trembling and crying was minimal now. Again, Rin was relieved.

"Makoto.. I want to be able to show you to be more thoughtful of what you desire, and to take care of and treat yourself for once. In the end, you need to be able to give yourself what others fail to give you, when possible. I know it feels great to give but.. God, people need to be able to take too. There's a strict limit for everything, you know. Of course.. There's going to be stuff that you just can't have. I'm sure today taught you that. But dammit, that doesn't mean that you can't have something else to make you happy. You can't feel greedy for wanting something you can't have, that's natural. I don't really know where's I'm going with this, but..

"Right now, as close friends too, even if I'm a big crybaby and not all that experienced with this kind of stuff, I.. I want to be the one to guide you through this. Because, Makoto Tachibana, your smile is damn fucking precious and I can't settle for you to be this sad.. And you can't turn to Haru for this problem of yours."

Makoto's eyes widen in that bitter realization. It was painful to think about, but he knew it was true. He knew Rin was right. Even if Haruka and Makoto were as close as two people could ever be, this was something he couldn't go through with Haru because Makoto risked getting more hurt.. At least they couldn't get through it together right now. He hoped Rin was right that soon he and Makoto would be back to normal, but for now that is not happening. Right now, he either needs to go through this alone or with someone else.

And the ground is crumbling underneath Makoto. The world seems it is scary and Makoto feels alone and frightened. He is not independent enough to get through this alone because he is scared and unsure of what to do without Haru with him. For that reason, he felt it was safe to fall under the guidance of Rin Matsuoka.


	2. where you go, i stumble and follow

There are two days of silence between Haruka and Makoto. The first day is difficult, but because it is a weekend it was much simpler than it could have been. Rin took a break from swimming that day to make sure that Makoto was doing okay, because God forbid it but Rin knew that sadness could make people do silly things.. He couldn't bear the thought of Makoto giving up in such a way because of what happened. Deep down inside he didn't believe Makoto would ever end his problems like that, but he couldn't always be too sure. He learned the other day that the happiest of people could be the ones bearing through more internal conflict that others.

When he comes over to Makoto's house, it is the later afternoon. The day is partly cloudy and the sea breeze feels refreshing. Rin likes the feeling of the weather today. He knocks on the door and is greeted by Makoto's mother. Although they both aren't too familiar with each other, they knew each other. Mrs. Tachibana smiles sweetly at Rin. Rin can't help but notice that her smile is almost identical to Makoto's. They are both accompanied by droopy eyes and they're both gentle. "Matsuoka-kun, come in. It's been a while since you've visited, hasn't it? Make yourself at home. Makoto is in his room. I'm sure he'll be glad to see you today. He's been a little down." The last part makes her smile soften. She wanted to tell Rin that she hoped he'd be able to find out what was wrong (which Rin already knew) and fix it, because for some reason Haru wasn't there with Makoto to fix it. Mrs. Tachibana was left a little confused by that, and she didn't want to come to a conclusion too quick, but she assumed maybe Haruka and Makoto were having a bit of a rough time and didn't quite want to see each other just yet.. Which is why Rin's arrival gave her some hope, because after all Rin was Makoto's friend too and maybe, hopefully his friend could make him feel better since Haruka couldn't now.

In response, Rin nods politely and thanks her. The coast appeared to be clear, but less than a minute into stepping into the Tachibana household, Ren and Ran are both rushing after Rin from out of nowhere. "Matsuoka-senpai! Matsuoka-senpai!" they cry as they both reach their arms upwards, hoping that Rin would pick them both up. Rin decides not to, as he is too overwhelmed to do so right now. "Matsuoka-senpai is here! It's been so long! Are your teeth still the same, Matsuoka-senpai? Oooh! They're still the same! You're so cool, Matsuoka-senpai!" Their cries are shrill. Rin was not very patient, not even with little kids. He hoped they would leave him alone soon, but he also knew that they probably wouldn't. "How do you kiss people, Matsuoka-senpai? It must hurt with your teeth!"

"Oi," Rin finally responds, shaking his head. He frowns, but it's replaced by a friendly smile afterwards. These kids were so energetic and frantic. They weren't anything like Makoto, who was so calm and kept. "I don't think kissing someone requires teeth, you know. I bet I can do it just fine!" He wags a finger at them, pretending to scold them but again he only means it playfully. At least he's trying his very best to keep it playful and not purposely malicious.

"Really?" they exclaim. "Kiss big brother! I wanna see if that's true!" To Rin's horror, he saw that Makoto was heading down the stairs of their home in confusion. He'd heard his siblings crying about Matsuoka-senpai, so naturally he'd been confused. He didn't recall calling Rin over for anything. "Big brother!" Ren and Ran said, rushing over to Makoto and leaving Rin with a bit of freedom. Although there was some relief in getting that space, Rin was still mortified because he knew what was coming next. The twins were going to ask Makoto to do something ridiculous and embarrassing, and honestly Rin didn't know how Makoto would tolerate it. Rin felt like he, and possibly Makoto too, were going to die of embarrassment. "Matsuoka-senpai said his teeth don't bother his kissing, but we want to make sure! Let Matsuoka-senpai kiss you!"

Makoto was shocked by what they asked him to do, and he looked at Rin with the same look of shock. Rin felt his cheeks heat up immensely. "T-this wasn't my idea! I swear! Your siblings are just really...!" Rin would have continued, but Makoto laughs it off and shakes his head. "You two are being a handful for Rin right now! He can play with you guys later. Right now I need to talk to him for just a little while, okay?" The way that Makoto was able to so easily take care of his siblings was almost astonishing. Without another word, they nodded and headed off to meet up with their mother. When they were gone, Makoto looked over to Rin. "Rin. You didn't say you would come over today. What's up?"

Rin shook his head. "Nothing's up. I only came over to check in on you, you know.." Now that Rin was actually saying that, it sounded weird for some peculiar reason. He came over just to check on Makoto, when by the looks of it he was doing fine. He didn't know why Mrs. Tachibana said that Makoto seemed down. "You've been doing alright, haven't you? It was dumb of me to think otherwise."

"It was nice of you to come over," Makoto smiled. Rin felt a chill run down his back, and at first he didn't understand why such a thing happened. The reason was because Makoto decided to dodge the question of being okay or not, but Rin didn't realize that. "I was feeling alone all day, to be honest.. I promised Haru yesterday that I would go see him, but I thought about what you said and I knew I couldn't go and see him today. So I've been home all day, and Mom knows something's up and.." Makoto's voice trails off and he shakes his head. "Ah.. Anyways, Rin, wanna come to my room and play some video games? I would offer to go for a swim with you, but I'm really not in the mood, you see.."

Rin nodded understandingly, although he was a bit disappointed to hear that. So they spent most of that afternoon playing video games up in Makoto's room. Makoto mostly owned games that were fairly tame since he did have younger siblings, but he did have a couple of shooting games in there too. Nothing too horrific, though, and Rin didn't expect anything less because he knew that Makoto didn't like horror at all. He could only tolerate very little of it. What did surprise Rin was how good Makoto was at those shooting games and how he definitely made Rin seem like a newcomer.. Makoto and Haruka must have spent a lot of time playing together.

The realization must have come to Makoto, too, because soon enough as they were playing it seemed like the color had drained from his face again. His hands were shaking and they were clammy, and before Rin noticed that that was going on, Makoto set down the controller. ".. Haru used to love playing this game with me," he said numbly. Rin turned his face, astonished by Makoto's sudden words. He looks closely at Makoto and notices how pallid he appears and how his bottom lips is shaking, and Rin wouldn't be shocked if Makoto was going to cry again.

"You don't need to hold it in, Makoto. That's not good for you at all," Rin says without thinking. "Also, we really don't need to play this game if you don't want to."

Makoto shakes his head. He's determined to not cry. He wants to be strong, especially for Rin right now. Last night he had cried in front of Rin and he was not willing to do it again. It would really make Makoto feel like a burden on Rin. "I don't need to cry. I'll be just fine," he insists. He forces a smile to come to his pale face. It's shaking, but it's still there. "I just don't want to play this game anymore, okay? Or any other games.. Maybe we can do something else, right?" Although his smile was obviously fake, somehow Rin felt comfort in the fact that Makoto was still willing to try. At least it shows that Makoto has not yet given up entirely.

They don't play anymore. Makoto put away the console, and afterwards he rests on his bed as Rin sits beside his place on the bed. It is silent for a while, and Rin is oddly okay with it even if the atmosphere does come off as awkward. As long as Makoto was okay and as long as he wasn't crying, Rin would consider that to be more than enough for the situation to be stable and fine. Yet he doesn't like this silence and grows agitated by it for whatever reason, so he breaks the silence and asks Makoto questions. They're the kind of questions people ask each other when they want to catch up with one another, or just when there's really nothing else to talk about. They're personal questions, so to say, but Rin knows what subjects not to touch at the moment.

There was a point in their lives, when they were younger to be exact, that Rin and Makoto were extremely close. It was before Haruka and Makoto became friends and Haruka took up that place that Rin had. So it was upsetting to Rin now, to an extent of course, to see how distant they've grown when once they were the person that the other had the closest bond with.

Therefore, there was a need to catch up.

The both of them talk for hours, and initially Rin plans that the experience would let him know a little more about Makoto and feel at ease at finally catching up with everything going on with Makoto. It is not this way, though. That's not exactly what happens. Instead of relief Rin ends up feeling some kind of dread.

He learns about Makoto, but it not what he expected. As soon as they both begin to talk about their plans after high school (they are beginning their third year after all, this is their last year to make those plans) Rin discovers that while Rin has a whole plan going for his after graduation plans, Makoto.. really doesn't have an idea of what he's doing or what he will do. Makoto doesn't know what he wants to do after he graduates, and somehow that fact is disheartening.

Was it possible that Makoto did have an idea of what he previously wanted to do, but when Haru rejected him yesterday, it marked the end of that plan? It was a possibility, but Rin didn't think it was what was actually going on.. He came to the conclusion that perhaps Makoto had either never taken it into consideration, or he had taken it into thought but never came up with an answer for himself when it came to asking what he wanted to do with his life after he finished school. It was more likely than Makoto thinking since the beginning that he'd have a future with Haruka, Rin thought. Either way, Makoto being so lost was unnerving. He really does need guidance, Rin thinks to himself. Makoto can be independent, but he needs someone to get him there first.

Right now wasn't the time to talk about it, though. As Rin is talking about his plans with swimming, he notices that Makoto is beginning to lose color again. Rin knows that he's thinking about Haruka. He's thinking about swimming with everyone and it's bringing him pain. Rin stops abruptly, and he feels slightly annoyed at how sensitive Makoto is, but he has more sense than to yell at him about it right now. He couldn't just do that to Makoto.

So Rin stops talking and says never mind. Makoto feels bad, but he can tell that if he apologizes, Rin would probably hit him over the head and tell him that there was no need to apologize. So they're silent for a while, before Rin notices how dark it looks outside of Makoto's window.

"Shit," he mumbles, grasping at and gently rubbing his shoulder as his mind registered how late it was. It wasn't completely dark just yet, but the higher parts of the sky were a dark blue. He thought about how he didn't really want to say goodbye to Makoto, but knew that it was late and he should really get going back home before his mother and Gou decide that it was late enough so that they'd be able to pester him and ask why he was gone so long. Also, since he hadn't given a previous warning, his mother might be a bit worked up if he didn't come in time for dinner. "Hey, Makoto. It was real nice to catch up with you again but it's kinda late.." Rin notices that Makoto's expression is something along the lines of disappointed. ".. Hey, will you be okay, Makoto?"

Makoto nods, just to reassure him. Rin smirks and pat Makoto's back. "That's our good ol' Makoto. Hey, you have my cell in case you need someone to call, okay? I'll be back tomorrow." The last part makes Makoto's eyes sparkle and it made Rin feel some kind of happiness at his chest. The fact that Makoto's eyes sparkled because of something he said was uplifting.

Rin kept his promise. He came over the next day, at about the same time. He told his mom about the situation Makoto was in and explained that it was important for him to be there for Makoto during this time. He also told his mother beforehand that he would be with Makoto during the evening and she insisted that, if Rin was offered, he stay for dinner so he could be there for Makoto longer. So Rin was content that his mom was okay with him staying over. Rin would sometimes stay with Gou and his mother during the weekends instead of staying at his dorm in Samezuka, so he had been unsure if his mom would let him stay late with Makoto because she hardly saw her son. Luckily, though, she was okay with it.

Just like the day before, Rin was greeted by Makoto's excited siblings and quickly he was rushed to his room before the twins became too excited. Just like yesterday, there is no proposal or mention of going out for a swim. It's just Makoto and Rin sitting down on Makoto's bed, listening to music from Makoto's radio. Rin lies back on Makoto's bed while the older boy sat to his side, changing the station whenever he didn't like the song or when Rin would ask him to do it.

They didn't talk much other than brief conversations about how they liked a certain song that was playing or didn't like it too much, but just having him there made the difference for Makoto. It was better than being alone in his room, with his siblings occasionally coming in to pester him or something. Rin's presence alone made all the difference.

To be honest.. Makoto hadn't talked to Rin for so long that he was unsure of what Rin was even like anymore. All he knew about Rin's current self were parts he'd gathered mainly from outbursts Rin had back in their second year of high school. Of course, none of them were good.. So, seeing that Rin wasn't entirely like that, some guy obsessed with winning and that did a lot of rude things, was relieving to Makoto. Seeing Rin's true self; a playful teenager with a bone to pick with others just for the mutual enjoyment, not a boy who is crazy obsessed with winning and with no respect for others.

"So, how's it going to work tomorrow?"

The question brings a faint chill to Makoto's skin, but he is unsure of why he reacts in such a way. "What do you mean, Rin?" he asked curiously.

Rin's eyes narrow, but not to seem intimidating or menacing towards Makoto. "Tomorrow is Monday, Makoto. We're all going back to school tomorrow, and you and Haruka will be there at school together, obviously.." It was like Rin wanted to add more to what he was saying, but alas he left it at that. Anything else would just be details and the important thing to the question was the core, not any other details.

Now Makoto understands why he had felt that chill. He knew that this question would come up, but he hadn't actually prepared himself to hear it. "Uhm.." Makoto licks his dry lips as his mind went blank. He really had no idea of how he was going to deal with this. In fact, he had some ridiculous hope that Monday wouldn't come, or that everything would have been resolved by Monday. "Well.. I honestly haven't thought of it, Rin. Sorry.."

For a moment, he believed that Rin was going to chew him out and say he was irresponsible for not having thought of it, but Rin doesn't do that. In fact, Rin's reaction was quite surprising for Makoto. "Can't Nagisa or Rei help you on that? You can tell one of the two to pull you away during lunch and say that they 'needed help with some classwork'.. If that makes any sense."

The fact that Rin was so quick to come up with an idea that actually sounded like it would work was extraordinary to Makoto. As soon as he was going to give an excited nod of approval, he thought of something and his entire heart felt like it fell onto the floor. ".. Haruka and I have the same homeroom."

Rin wasn't too phased by that. His expression turns into one of deep thought. ".. Just ignore him. Or go talk to other people in your class. Surely you know other people to talk to, don't you Makoto?"

Just for the sake of ending the conversation, Makoto nodded. What Rin proposed was much easier said than done, but the subject was leaving Makoto with an uneasy feeling at the pit of his stomach so he didn't press on any further. Nonetheless, Makoto was willing to give it a try. He'd gain less if he didn't try.

The younger boy coaxed Makoto into texting either Nagisa or Rei about the situation, and because he was noticeably more mature, typically more composed, and most importantly it would be more believable if it were him, Makoto chose to text Rei and ask. Of course Makoto didn't text the whole story to Rei; Makoto wasn't ready to do that. However, he did leave in enough details to get the message through that something had happened between him and Haruka and it was best that for the time being, they be kept apart. Rei promptly responded back to Makoto's request and said he was more than willing to do it. Somehow Makoto could detect some worry in his words, even if it was only writing that he was reading. Yet Rin told him to forget about it, because quote, "That guy Rei is crazy, you shouldn't worry if something seems off with him. He's off already."

That was probably the most important part of their night. It'd gone much more smoothly that Makoto would have imagined, and he was thankful.

Right when it had grown quiet between the both of them, Ren and Ran burst into the room and told them both that dinner was ready. "I'll probably be leaving after dinner if that's fine," Rin said to the three of them. "I should get home and help around the house a bit before it's time to hit the hay." His words earned wailing cries from the twins as they begged him to stay over with them, but Makoto put a stop to it quickly and told them that Rin had to leave to help, just like tonight it was their turn to help out with dishes.

So Rin joined the Tachibana family for dinner. He imagined it might be a bit chaotic because of the twins, but it wasn't like that. In fact, other than a small dispute over beef with Ren and Ran, the atmosphere was pleasantly peaceful, warm, and welcoming.. Like a true family atmosphere. It made the dinner much more enjoyable than Rin could have imagined it to be.

The dinner talk was composed of Ms. and Mr. Tachibana asking how Rin had been doing for the past few years. He told them just about everything, of course minus the drama he and Haruka had been experiencing not too long ago. They said they were glad that he was following his dreams and they wished him the best for his future. They also thanked him for coming over to see Makoto, and Rin's heart jumped a few beats. It could have been because of the heat from the food, but his cheeks were feeling awfully warm, too. Before that heat could progress further, Makoto's soft chuckle brought him back to his senses.

"Of course, mom and dad. Rin's a friend. It's like you said to me when I was little; true friends will be there for you without you asking them to be there!"

Rin's heart repeated what it'd done earlier, and this time he knew he was blushing because Makoto had referred to him as a true friend. He smiled to himself and went back to his food. He was glad to be that person for Makoto. He was nearly ecstatic from hearing those words come out sincerely from the older boy.

Dinner with his family was a very nice experience, but alas it was dark outside and it was getting late. Rin had to leave, even with Ren and Ran still pleading that he stay the night with them.

"Maybe next time," Rin said, his tone sounding as though he was promising it'd happen soon. Their faces brightened up in excitement. "Yay, Matsuoka-senpai will sleep over with us soon!"

After a few minutes of saying bye to Makoto's parents and siblings, his parents pulled the siblings away to get them ready for bed. Makoto and Rin went outside together, but not too far past the home's doorstep. The weather was slightly cold. The wind didn't take long in making their cheeks and the tips of their ears feel cold. The night sky was clear, and twinkling stars about were easily seen.

"You don't want me to take you home, Rin?" Makoto offered. He sincerely didn't mind, even if Rin lived some distance away.

"Nah, that's fine," Rin grinned. "You should get some rest early, Makoto. You don't have to go and worry about walking me home or something." Then he pat Makoto's back, which earned a bit of a laugh from the taller boy. "I'll get heading now. It's cold out and I don't want to keep you out here freezing."

"That's fine. I don't mind though," the other boy insisted. "Of course, I'm not going to stall and keep you out here with me.. You get heading. You don't live all that near from here."

Rin nodded, and suddenly felt tentative. "Hey.. Makoto," he starts, and his mouth grew a little dry. He thought that it was because of the cold wind. "You know, Samezuka's classes end earlier than Iwatobi's.. Seeing that you're pretty used to someone walking you home and considering that you still need some distance from him for a while, uhm.. You don't mind coming after school and going to pick you up to walk you home, do you?"

It feels like an eternity passed before Makoto smiled sweetly. "I think I'd like that, Rin."

He feels a blush come to his face, but Rin concluded that it was probably only because of the cold wind. "Nice!.. Uhm, alright. I'll see you tomorrow after school, Makoto!"

After hesitant waving at each other, Rin takes off. It's only minutes before his figure disappears into the distance. Makoto keeps smiling, feeling oddly warmer than he'd been feeling for the past few days, despite the chilling breeze. He stares in the direction that Rin walked off towards for a moment more before he heads back indoors and gets ready for the morning tomorrow, and then he heads to bed.

The next morning, the weather is still noticeably cool. Although the weather would be colder if he left early, Makoto decides to do just that so he could possibly avoid running into Haru. Fortunately for him, he doesn't encounter Haruka on his way to school.

During homeroom, Makoto avoids sitting in the back because he knew that Haruka typically sat there. He took a glance of Haru walking into the classroom a bit later than him, but that was all he took. Quickly his gaze shot somewhere else. For homeroom that day, instead of sitting for the entire period, he eventually offered Amakata-sensei to take some documents to the office for her. She lets him, and for his homeroom period Makoto successfully avoids Haruka by not really being in the classroom at all.

The rest of his classes are fairly smooth up until lunch, seeing as he either does not sit next to or hear Haruka or he doesn't have that class with him. It isn't until lunchtime where silence is broken, but not the silence between Makoto and Haruka.

"Why does Mako-chan say you need help? I'm pretty sure you're better at English than Mako-chan, Rei-chan!" Nagisa exclaims as he and Rei are waiting in the hallways where many third years had their classes located. "I hardly ever hear Mako-chan speak English, probably because he's embarrassed of speaking it because he's not that good!"

Rei sighed, fixing his glasses. "I just need his help, Nagisa," he insisted. Of course Nagisa wasn't fully satisfied with Rei's answer, but he figured he shouldn't really pester Rei about it. If something was going on, surely Nagisa would know what it was soon.

It wasn't too long before Makoto came out of his classroom, a little late. He looked around before he saw Nagisa and Rei a little way down the hallway. He offered them a smile.

"Good afternoon, Makoto-senpai," Rei said, sounding as polite as ever. "Let's go, okay?"

Although Nagisa was about to protest and ask if he could go along with them and bring Haruka, Rei and Makoto quickly told him goodbye and scurried off elsewhere. Nagisa was left wondering what could possibly be up and determined to find out what was happening.

For the meantime, though, Makoto and Rei decided to stay at Amakata-sensei's classroom for lunchtime, of course with her consent. Rei asked Makoto if everything was okay, and Makoto simply restated that he and Haruka just needed a bit of distance. It sounded like to Rei that they had a fight, but seeing that Makoto and Haruka were both acting fairly calm and normal, Rei didn't think that a fight was what had happened. Makoto's answer had left him with so many more questions. He hadn't believed that he read Makoto's text correctly last night and maybe Makoto had a typo, but Makoto had just confirmed that he and his best friend were indeed having some difficulties. Yet, despite all the confusion and curiosity Rei now felt, he decided to not push any further and leave it at that.

After lunchtime, Rei and Makoto excused themselves and headed to their last classes. Just like the first half of school, the last half went normally and smoothly and Makoto was relieved by it. He hadn't really believed he'd be able to get through it, but he did. When his last class ended, it was like Makoto had just defeated a terrible raging monster. He felt absolute relief. He felt like, for the first time in a while, that he had truly achieved something.

Makoto was still experiencing that high as he walked out of class and off campus. It wasn't until he was off campus that he felt that warm feeling of achievement leave his body and instead be replaced by a sudden coldness. He stopped in his tracks.

He saw Rin outside the gate. Of course he'd been expecting to see Rin, after all he had promised to pick up Makoto after school and walk him home.. but along with Rin, Haruka stood in front of him. Makoto was some distance from the both of them, but Haru's expression seemed a little tense and as did Rin's. It wasn't just the both of them either, Rei and Nagisa lingered closely behind.

Makoto wanted to go in another direction to avoid any trouble. He actually started off in another direction, away from the four of them, but Rin calls out his name. It's too late to escape. Makoto had to go with them or else he'd cause more problems by running away.

The swimmer starts in their direction, and Rin meets him halfway. Before Makoto can say anything, Rin wraps his arm around Makoto's shoulder and grins at the other three boys. "Well! I'll be off now. I did promise after all to take Makoto home now."

For the first time in a few days, Haruka and Makoto look at each other. Their eyes are locked, blue on green. Makoto couldn't tell if he was feeling more shocked than Haruka looked, but.. his stomach churned when he noticed the slightest bit of disgust in Haru's gaze. However, before he can comment on anything about it or keep his eyes on Haru to try and read his expression more, Rin quickly pulls them away and walks Makoto towards the direction of his home.

"Don't look back at Haru, Makoto. Don't fuel him. Just keep walking with me." Rin insists as he nearly drags Makoto with him. His arm's hold on his shoulder is tight and it wasn't like Makoto would be able to turn around anyways.

The walk home is silent. There is little to no words between the both of them, and it isn't until they're at Makoto's doorstep that Rin speaks.

"Sorry about not really talking, Makoto. I was feeling kinda stressed by Haru and I couldn't think of anything to say," he shrugged. "You're okay though, aren't you? How did you manage to get through the day? Okay?"

Makoto felt overwhelmed by questions, but he managed to answer them properly. "Yeah.. I got through the day fine. In fact, it went a lot smoother than I thought it would go.. I'm kinda pleased by how it went, honestly. It was just seeing you and Haru there that threw me off. There was a lot of tension between the both of you and I was getting ready to run away. Thankfully you stopped me, Rin."

Rin waved it off. "That's not important. I was just concerned about how you were today, is all." He looked down at the floor and shuffled his feet. He seems a little bashful, but that could just be Rin's dorkiness kicking in. "Anyways, my team's going to have practice a little later today and I don't want to be late to it. I should get heading now, so I-"

"Wait a minute, Rin!"

He was taken aback from Makoto's sudden cry. Makoto himself was quite embarrassed by it and he wanted to cover his mouth and say sorry, but he knew there was no turning back. Rin would pester him until Makoto said what had been on his mind. "Ah.. I'm sorry Rin, but.. Uhm.. If you don't mind, Rin, I really appreciate that you walked me home. Even if we didn't talk on the way, it was just because of what happened between you and Haru and.. Maybe you can do that tomorrow, too?"

There was a moment of silence between the both of them, and Makoto feared he said something wrong. Then just as he was about to apologize, Rin gave him a firm smirk. "Heh. I'd love that, Makoto."

The look of happiness, that bright smile and sparkle of his eyes meant so much to Rin.

The day could have ended on that happy note, but life was not willing to rest just yet. Later on, although no more than about a half hour after Rin departed, life would press on and continue to test its hold and attack on Makoto. There was still something else to take care of. It had been left previously in the day and Makoto had forgotten about it until he heard the knock on his door.

"Oh.." he gasped. He recalled what had happened earlier and realized that there was no way that was just going to be left alone and forgotten. Makoto wanted to ignore the knocking, but knew that if he didn't take care of it now, then it would be later. It would be better to take care of the problem now instead of later.. So after he takes in a deep breath, he steps in to open the door.

It was no shock to see Haruka at the door. He had the calm look to him as usual, but Makoto knew that the look would change soon. He knew that Haruka did not mean to just come over say hi, especially after Makoto had been purposely avoiding him.. Speaking of that, so much for trying to avoid Haru today.

"Haruka, why are you-"

Makoto is silenced by Haruka, who shakes his head. Haruka raises a finger. "Don't." That one word brought Makoto to a definite silence. The older boy's voice had been so serious and demanding that Makoto was a bit frightened of what Haru would do if he didn't listen. "Listen to me, I'm here to talk to you. Screw the stuff about you ignoring me, Makoto, that's really obvious and it doesn't need to be addressed because I can understand why you're doing that. What I am here to do, though.. I'm here to talk to you about Rin."

The younger boy's heart stops. He opens his mouth to protest, but Haruka steps forward and gives him that look that states that he's not in the mood for Makoto to try and stop him. Haruka sincerely felt that it was something that needed to be addressed immediately. "I don't like the fact that you're out there with him. Before you get it confused, it's not jealousy." Haruka reached out and snatched Makoto's hand. "I'm not jealous. I feel like you're only doing that because Rin told you to do it and follow his lead, and then I feel like he's only doing it to piss me off.." Haruka's tone trailed off. ".. And it really upsets me that he's there because I feel like he's trying to take you away from me. Like he's trying to take our friendship. I don't want that, Makoto."

What Makoto heard should have been a relief considering that he had been worried that maybe Haru didn't want to be friends anymore. Despite that, it was not a relief. In fact, Makoto felt enraged by it somehow, and he didn't exactly understand why.

"I don't understand!" Makoto screams. His hand is squeezing Haruka's hand hard, and although Haruka struggles he cannot break free of Makoto's grip. Haruka was panicking now more than anything, because Makoto's hold was tight. It was like Makoto was going to break his bones. His blue eyes are full of terror as he listens to Makoto scream; a scream full of so much hurt and possible intentions to hurt that Haruka didn't even think it belonged to Makoto. "You don't want me to be with you! You don't want me to be with anyone else, either! What the hell do you want, then?!" Makoto's usually droopy eyes were now wide with rage. He pushed Haruka forward and Haru didn't have any other choice than to be pushed. "What the hell is it going to take for you to finally get the fuck off of my case and let me be happy?! All you do is look at stuff in your perspective and you don't realize how much damage you do when you say and do the stuff you do, Haru! Why the fuck do you have to be so inconsi-"

"Then just do what makes you happy!"

Makoto's eyes are still wide, but no longer with rage. They're wide with shock. His grip becomes soft, until finally he ultimately lets go of Haru's hand. All the life was gone from his face; it was like all of Makoto's limbs had just gone limp. Everything, the rage, the hurt. It was all gone from Makoto.

His hand is throbbing, but Haru has more pressing matters at his hands. He needed to be honest with Makoto.. Makoto was still his friend after all..

.. They were still friends, weren't they?

"Listen," Haruka hissed, staring Makoto right in the eye. Makoto's eyes looked sleepy again, and if the lighting wasn't betraying his eyes.. Haruka thought they were sparkling because of the tears forming at the edges. "Makoto, you're making.. No, you've made a huge decision at a time you're most vulnerable, most delicate! You can't be making decisions when you feel most needy! You have to think before you do this kind of stuff, and.. and.. Makoto, you're so sensitive, and Rin is s-"

"FUCK OFF!"

This time, it's Haru who backs down and stares at Makoto with eyes of pure shock. For the first time in Haruka's life, he feared Makoto. He feared everything, from his intimidating stature to the younger boy's voice.

This was a crazy misunderstanding.

Rin and Makoto weren't dating. Makoto wanted to scream that to Haruka, but the words just couldn't roll off of his tongue. Those words remained unsaid and instead Makoto said something else.

"You're telling me to do what makes me happy, but then you tell me that I shouldn't have made decisions during this time?" Makoto barks, taking a step towards Haru. Haruka steps back in fear, but it's the only movement he makes. He is scared to move any more. "You know what, Haru? This is MY life, not YOURS! You don't tell me how to fucking run my life!" Then Makoto struggles to keep speaking, but he's in too deep to give up or stop. "You want me to be happy? Then leave me and Rin alone! You have nothing to do with this, Haru!" Haruka's about to protest, but Makoto knows almost exactly what he is going to say and decides to stop it before Haru gets the chance. "You're causing me all my misery right now! So how do you expect that I'm just going to nod right now and say 'Oh, okay! I'll listen to what you're saying Haru, even if right now I'm actually pretty happy and if I listen to what you say it'll take away my current happiness!'? You honestly think that I'm going to listen all the shit you're spewing out of your mouth? Hell no, Haru!" Makoto was swearing so much that it actually made his screaming feel more brutal on his throat.. Plus, admitting that took a lot of his energy.

For the past few days, Makoto has been absolutely miserable, more than he's ever been ever during his teenage years. Even with all of his emotions running around freely, the obvious tears brimming up in Haruka's eyes had no effect on Makoto. It was like he'd become cold and indifferent to him suddenly. "It might be greedy of me because I'm so affected by the way you rejected me, that I can't accept that we can't just be a thing, but.. Understand. It's going to be tense between the both of us, especially with Rin looking over me now, and I don't want to freaking torture myself with trying to deal with you and whatever fucking issue you have with Rin! Haruka, if you really cared about me, in the sense of friends or lovers doesn't matter.. You would understand that it's important to leave me alone right now that I already told you that I'm happy and trying to stabilize the current situation before I start talking to you again."

Everything Makoto was saying felt mixed up. He wasn't sure what the point was and instead felt that he was simply finally getting rid of the pent of thoughts he had and not really speaking with an exact purpose. "Plus, if I had really mattered to you.. You wouldn't have let me run off yesterday. Then, you would have forced yourself to check in on me. Yet you didn't do that; it was Rin who did that. You can say that you worried, but your actions wouldn't be validating your words." Those words made a tear roll out of Haru's eye, and Makoto felt unusually annoyed by it. Haruka knew Makoto was right and he shouldn't have been crying.. right? "Please.. Leave. Just go home. I'm not in the mood to talk to you, Haru. Leave me alone."

Haruka stays put. He doesn't move. Then, blindly, he turned around and his back faces Makoto's face. He walks off, and at first Makoto believes that his eyes are playing a game with him and making it seem as though Haruka's steps are unstable. Then he realizes that it's not a dream, not his mind playing with him. Haruka's suddenly stumbling on the ground, and his knees give out and they abruptly hit the pavement. He lets out what sounds like a cry, and it's followed by sobbing. "Shit!" he screams, banging his fist repeatedly on the ground until the skin becomes raw and there's slight bleeding.

Makoto does not help him up and instead closes the door behind him before he feels the indifference towards Haru melt away.


End file.
